A broken home - because that's what we are now. Hell, there's not even a "we". "We" have disintegrated and become individuals merely existing under one roof.
My sister forgot to give her teacher a letter my mom had written. So what happened? My mom blew up, blew the whole thing out of proportion, hit her, brought my other sister into it, and yelled, and continued hitting. The other day she left my other sister with a bruise on her face.
Meanwhile, I've got my dad saying he should have never gotten into this, life could have been so much easier for him, and that by going thru all this, he's 'paying for his fucking sins'. And that he wants to leave.
That is stuff I don't need to hear. Then again, I can't blame him, because he has no one else to talk to. I pretend it doesn't scare me, but it does. It's just that no one ever sees it because I choose to implode. My pain is something you never see because it's hidden in the lump in my throat, my shallow breathing, my pulse that is so vague it's almost not there.
My pain is hidden in the tears I cry alone, in the tears you never see, in the tears that don't always fall.
My pain is hidden underneath a smile, under the laugh you find beautiful.
He tells me to remember all this and learn from it, and never do it to my children because it'll only make them hate their mother, and this is what we're coming to.
It's all coming up again. And like the times before, I don't quite know what to do. I can't ignore it when it's in my face, screaming in my ears, burnt in my mind.
posted by LadyNik @ 6:43 pm
8 Comments:
We'll implode together (:
Lets count down the months til we leave ok? Although that sounds a little scary...
In the middle of the night if you miss me, there's always the dial-a-bitch option ok?
xxx
Sure thing Bitch. Love you.
That goes triple for me.
I wish you were here now baby.
I don't want you exposed to any of this.
You've never deserved it and always deserved a much better life.
One "I" shall provide you with.
I love you and miss you.
A lot of ♥ in the room.
the most largess people I know.
well nikki you can always cry on my shoulder if jeremy is busy doing something REALLY important, just so you know im a extra person to opena can of whoop arse for you :P
cheer up,
MATTY
wtf?!
there will be no opening of cans today my same named friend.
hahahahahaha......matt that was just funny.
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